Self-ish thoughts.

I was sitting today, lazing on my easy chair by the window of my room, looking out into the approaching dusk outside. A group of birds flew past my window; the scent of the sunset still warm on their wings, calling out for all to return to nest.

The big house on the other side of the wall, whose rear gate opens just opposite my window, looked cosy and inviting, with its surrounding lawn, flower beds and a bower with trailing bougainvillea; the hint of gold on the tiles of the house scripting the epilogue to the day’s story.

The old couple, the owners of the house, were sitting under the bower, looking around apparently pleased and at peace. I remembered having seen the old gentleman personally tending to the garden every morning. The peace that this senior couple manifested was infectious. I too found myself relaxing, sinking into a strange sense of floating calmness.

Eventually as the light faded the elderly lady, apparently agitated by a swarm of mosquitoes, nudged her partner and the couple decided to retreat. I too was shaken out of the state of ‘nothingness’. The couple slowly walked the paved path to the door of the house. The walk was a slow one, almost a reluctant one, as though given a choice they would surely have liked to spend some more time in their garden. As the door opened, the old woman walked in. Her husband turned around a last time to gaze upon his garden and then he too went inside. The door closed behind the old couple.

I withdrew from the window, in a pensive state and lay back on my bed.  A thousand fragments of thoughts cramming my brain and crying out for attention.

Day in and day out, we do the same things over and over again, most often oblivious of how time silently smiles and passes by. We are so entrapped, so attached, so blinded, so blunted; an idea, vague, of an illusory goal, coaxing us, saying, “Carry on.”

I lay back on my bed and like the small insect caught in the cobweb in one corner of the ceiling, suddenly felt trapped. I got the feeling that I was not doing enough for myself, my own Self. I have spent all my life pleasing others and enjoying false gains.

The sole purpose of this life is to be ‘Happy’. But where does one get true happiness? Wise men say, “Happiness is within you, you only need to look for it.” As I stand today at the cusp of possibly a third of my life, I realise that every time I did well in studies, it was to please my family, I courted the best girl in school, to earn jealous appreciation of others. I strived hard in sports to get approval of my peers. In fact every action, every small act done, was motivated by some such trivial end. The false sense of happiness that has pervaded me all my life was actually my inflated ego.

We live in a world (an illusion, some might say), where Relativity rules. Relative success, relative prosperity, relative income, relative knowledge and so on, have become our indices of Happiness (so called). Right from childhood, like wound up toys, we run round and round in this quagmire, learning to know and seek a false idea of happiness.

So, what is it that makes one really happy? What does our existence really seek out? Why is it so difficult to let go? What is it that is binding us? Which path is the right path?

With all these questions darting around in my head, I understood one thing. It is wisest to start seeking these answers so that, when The Time comes, I can let go of my beautiful garden with a smile on my face.

IN DESPERATE hope I go and search for her in all the corners of my room; I find her not.

My house is small and what once has gone from it can never be regained.

But infinite is thy mansion, my lord, and seeking her I have come to thy door.

I stand under the golden canopy of thine evening sky and I lift my eager eyes to thy face.

I have come to the brink of eternity from which nothing can vanish-no hope, no happiness, no vision of a face seen through tears.

Oh, dip my emptied life into that ocean, plunge it into the deepest fullness. Let me for once feel that lost sweet touch in the allness of the universe.

-           Geetanjali Verse 87,  Kabiguru Rabindranath Tagore

The Last Leaf……

I tried to hide,

To fake a smile..

But my eyes told me

That I lost something.

I tried to forget,

All my regrets..

But my tears told me

That I lost something.

I tried not to bother,

Said, it doesn’t matter..

But my heart told me

That I lost something.

I tried to be busy,

But it was not easy..

As my mind kept reminding me..

That I lost something.

-Dia

Well this is not something I wrote. I found this on the web. Its written by someone named Dia. I sure think she must be a very wonderful person and hope she is over the sorrow that her verses reflect.

The context may not be same but the words did to some extent represent my feelings on the day of my send off. Over the last few days, memories of the last 5 years have come back repeatedly. Every moment that I remembered left a smile on my face.

As I walked down the path towards the canteen that day, I felt a strange lump of emotion creep up my throat. In the past 5 years, so many people have come and gone; so many send-offs I have seen. I had always been a part of the group that waited on the inside of the glass doors. But this was different. The group on the inside was waiting for me. I was the bride walking down the aisle so to say metaphorically. A sudden sense of sadness engulfed my mind. I could just feel the clock ticking away much faster. My time in DALC was fast coming to an end. It was such an overwhelming feeling, my trying to balance all the memorable moments of the last five years and the realization that all this was coming to an end. I guess this place and the people I worked with have become so much a part of my life over these years, it will be very difficult for me to disentangle myself from the attachment.

Since the day I joined here as a fresh college graduate, I feel I have come a long way professionally as well as personally. I have always believed that the people you meet have a role to play in shaping you up. At this moment I am very happy and proud to be me. So I would like to thank you all for that.

I am very grateful to my ‘team’. SN, PT, MD you have taught me a lot. Whatever I have learnt here, most of it I have learnt from you. Thank you for teaching me the meaning of the word ‘team’, thank you for always being around whenever I needed you. I will always remember all the fun as well as tough moments that we have gone through together. I am very thankful to AS Sir, my first boss, for making my transition from a rookie to a professional a very smooth and memorable one. I feel very fortunate that I got him as my first boss.

I owe a lot to KS Sir, for the constant encouragement he has provided me. He is such an enthusiastic person, so full of energy; I have always found him as a person who can invoke the good spirits in everyone with his incessant humor. Thank you sir, for all the support and your faith in me.

When we had first joined the Quality team, there were only 3 people who were there before us. We grew, looking unto them. I always visualized them as the 3 pillars over which the team was built. BS Sir, AS Sir and SN Sir. BS Sir was a great person and a fantastic leader who always led his team from the front. SN Sir, it has been a great learning experience, seeing you at work and working alongside you.

I was fortunate to join this organization as a part of a big team of YQPs. Since day one we have learnt and worked together. This has forged a very strong bond among us. DsC, RR, DtC, RjP, GC anna, it is very hard for me to come to terms with the fact that I wont have you all by my side at work. DsC, RR, DtC, thank you very much for patiently listening to my ‘Banyan tree’ stories. It will be nigh impossible for me to find such good listeners for my stories. Also the fun moments that we have shared will always be very memorable. Rest assured they too will find their way into the Banyan archives. I am very lucky to have had friends like you.

JBS mam, I have rarely seen a person with such composure and patience as you. You have always been like an elder sister. Thank you too for listening to my incessant ramblings so patiently.

PS mam and NS sir, I feel you make a fantastic pair. NS sir, I will miss our afternoon tea and vada pao sessions. PS mam, thank you for tolerating my pranks and jokes so sportingly. I will miss cracking 12 o clock jokes with you.

RjP, buddy we had great fun together, formulating all the ‘Curry patta’ jokes and stories. Do call me up if there are new stories in the series. I will miss having fun with you. GC, brother please forgive me for offending you multiple times with my stray humor. I thank you for the patience and grace that you manifested when I pestered you. But that does not mean I am not going to make the 5th sequel in the Ch-ku series. RjP, bro please keep a look out for good scripts.

RtP sir, it has been a good experience working with you. I have always found your humor highly refreshing. I will miss all the funny anecdotes we shared over work.
VR, you are the bubbliest of the lot. Remain that way. I wish your cool cars always run smooth and unhindered between Mumbai and Nagothane. And for your sake , always, ‘Satya mewa jayate’.

RhP, RG, my association with you has been a brief one. Nevertheless we have spent some quality time together that I will fondly remember. RG I hope we will continue the 6 km walk partnership. Also I would like to declare you as the fittest person of the department (now that I am out of the reckoning). I would like you to take over the responsibility of giving fitness bytes to GC anna, RhP, JM and AA (if he happens to visit the lab). JM, my friend now that the house keepers have already made fun of your paunch, please don’t wait for the canteen staff to denigrate you further before deciding to shed it off.

SM, Wait for me. I’ll come up with a 6-P one day and call you up. Till then we will definitely meet on the Mu-Pu highway. PrnR, bro wish you all the best and a very happy new year.

As for all the new people, I wish you all the best in all your endeavors.

I guess I will sign off here, with best wishes for a very happy, prosperous and fruitful new year for all of you.

Dasvidaniya.

‘….to dog or not to dog…..’

In last week’s landmark  judgment, the Big City High Court ruled that humans ought to be more tolerant towards fellow species. The court instructed the Big City Corporation legislators to frame new laws for the city’s K-9 (read canine) residents, to accord them with the privileges due to every other human city dweller.

After a lot of brainstorming and deliberations with K-9 representatives, the legislators of the city have come to the conclusion that, since there are plenty of ‘cultural’ similarities between the two species (most notably wet-the-wall-in-public ceremonies, morning rites on railway tracks etc); K-9s can be considered almost equal to humans. Barring certain trivial external manifestations of useless and/or destructive intelligence, most humans are lagging behind on other desirable traits like faithfulness, truthfulness, morality, and many more (an entire appendix has to be written to include all). With corruption on the rise and in fact brimming over, throughout the country; the legislators noted, that working closely with the K-9s presented a better opportunity for controlling the malady. Through the hundreds of years of coexistence the K-9s have proven to be highly resistant to the said disease. One of the most senior and respected legislators of the state proposed that, greater cultural exchanges between the two species was necessary in present times and should happen on a regular basis. The K-9 representatives who took part in the discussions were Dg. Dachs Hund, Dg. Curson Rottweiler and Dgy. Puppy Poodle.

Scientists at the city’s premier research institute hailed the legislation as path breaking. Biologists and behavioral scientists are agog about the opportunity this legislation presents, like cross breeding for desirable traits. The director of the research institute Dr. A.B.C Def said a distant hybridization program has already been chalked out for breeding studies between K-9 s and humans, in a bid to ‘breed out’ the highly transposable genetic element carrying the cor mutation responsible for the human behavior of corruption. K-9 genetic studies have revealed that their genetic constitution rejects the gene and its effects. K-9s are also resistant to the GAC (Greedy Avaricious Capricious) virus that is thought to be the source of this transposon in humans.

Spiritual leaders of the city have welcomed the decision of the high court and have reiterated their support for the new legislation. Sri Sri Xacharya of the highly respected Yzian math, concluded his evening sermon with the words, ” ……….dogliness is the first step towards godliness.”

However a section of the city’s K-9s have aired their apprehensions regarding the new law. Some of the senior members of the community are still doubtful about the level of commitment from their human counterparts, having known them closely over a long period of time. They also expressed their fears regarding the proposed breeding program .They hope the experiments do not backfire. Senior K-9 representative Dg. Al Satian said the last thing the K-9 s wanted in their ‘life-of-a-dog’ is corruption.

In another part of the city, there is dissent among the K-9 right activists, who feel that the entire issue is hogwash and is against dog morals. They have demanded that no genetic exchange be allowed with humans lest the canine genetic pool be contaminated with bad human genes. The activists are arranging protest gatherings across the city. The main agenda of the first stage of these protests will be ‘howl-dharnas’. Female K-9 activist Dgy.Dora Labra said that in the event of their demands being not accepted, they will up the ante of protest with the next stage being mass defecation on public property and such other acts of civil disobedience.

As the first step of this new found  cooperation between the two species, chairman of the K-9 Chamber of Commerce Dg. Mutt Hund, agreed to inspect the Big City rail transport system to study the feasibility of its use by K-9s to travel across pheromone barriers. Traditionally the K-9s have evolved with the ability and intention to travel from pee-to-pee. This is an aggressive and revolutionary effort on the part of the K-9 community to overcome evolutionary restrictions , towards modernism. The K-9 delegate was well received by the human commuters. Dg. Mutt Hund was visibly impressed by the way humans traveled. He also suggested provision of extra compartments for K-9 travellers.

Elsewhere, a section of the human society in a different part of the country has trashed the new legislation. K-9s have been the mainstay of their culinary civilization. They have grown up relishing ‘cur’-y (pun intended) delicacies and feel that such a legislation undermines their cultural inclinations and have voiced their strong indignation against such laws. SPETA ( Society for prevention of Eating The Animals) activists from all over the world have come out in support of the law and have vociferously denigrated ‘cur-eaters’ all over the social networking sites. They have mooted the idea of a country wide cabbage leaf rally ( where SPETA activists rally wearing no more than just cabbage leaves). Millions of the country’s netizens have ‘Like’-ed the idea while another couple million have actively typed their supportive ‘one-liners’ over these platforms. Countless supporters have in fact suggested using pine needles instead of cabbage leaves to add to the ‘ glamour and effectiveness’ of the campaign.

In a surprise twist to the week’s events, a new story has unfolded. A new group by the name of ‘Dog Lover’s ( in the word’s most extreme possible sense) Society’ has suddenly appeared on a well known social networking site, that has overnight gathered a fan following of a few thousand pseudonym bearing members. Discussions on the group’s forum range from various lurid tales to a possible inter-species live-in or marriage law.

Meanwhile in the country’s  parliament, mud-slinging, fighting, name calling ensued over the week’s happenings following Big City Corporation’s bold legislation. The speaker of the house theatrically ushered the discussion with,”……to dog or not to dog.” However following the mayhem that ensued in the house over this issue, he was forced to adjourn the day’s proceedings. He was heard uttering the words “…….dogs, son of a *****…..” while beating a hasty and safe retreat from the house.

Well that’s all for today. Looking forward to an exciting week ahead.

Ciao.

Let the prodigal return.....

A yawning gulf between
My vision-tree and my reality-plant.

A yawning gulf between
The place I love to live and the place I live.
I love to live under the vault of heaven.
Alas, my existence lives
In the valley of the shadow of death.
Peace has escaped my remembrance;
Delight, too.

But I know a swing of the pendulum
Will change my face and fate.
My surrender supreme
Shall marry my dream-boat
With my reality-shore.

                                            -Shri Chinmoy.

O Lord! lift this dark veil, so I may see the light. Let the light of knowledge shine on me once more. Let the cool breeze of freedom kiss my forehead. Let me fill my lungs with the scent of my earth. Let me hear the birds chirping outside my window. Let me hear the midday siren calling people to lunch. Let me watch the wenches pass with bundles of firewood on their head, on lazy lazy afternoons. Let me see the goat browse on my hedge. Let me see the sunset over the tea gardens, the sunrise in the mist. Let me hear the pitter-patter of rain drops on my asbestos roof. Let me hear the woodpecker pecking on the Bael tree. Let my eyes water with the smoke of the evening dhoop.

Lead me out of this jungle, O Lord. Release my soul from this prison of falsity. Shake me out of this noetic coma, invigorate my moribund intellect. The prodigal son has learnt his lesson; let me return home O Lord!

Schmucks

Watched a good movie- Dinner for Schmucks. Did not find it very remarkable or worthy of critical acclaim, 2* movie. But deals with a very good thought. About how we rate our success or achievements in life, how we sometimes under-rate people around us. People who are apparently schmucks or idiots because they don't conform to rules set out by the society, engrossed in their own pursuit of creativity and happiness.


We who follow the beaten track, run madly after something called 'success'. We like everything safe and assured. We want a huge salary, a big house, a posh car, high society parties. We cannot tolerate people who do not think the same way, who are idiots or schmucks to our perception because they do not conform. People who take 'The Road Not Taken' are not fools; they see things in a different way, maybe in more meaningful ways than the so called 'successful bugger'. As Frost has said,


"And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."


It takes guts and conviction to follow the untrodden path. Whether we denigrate such people as schmucks or celebrate them as adventurers, as discoverers, as pathfinders, they hardly care. They do what they are out their to do, so fellow consumers mind your own business.


PS: Discovered a new classification for humankind,
           1. Those that are consumers,
           2. Those that are schmucks....
     Looking for more......

Happy Independence Day ??????

Good Afternoon, Its the fifteenth of August, and in India we like to call it our Independence Day. 


I woke up today to the familiar tune of 'Ai mere vatan ke logo.......' playing at full volume from the neighboring building. "What the hell, what's all this racket about?," I thought aloud. I picked up my cell and found three new messages; my friends and colleagues have wished me  'Happy Independence Day'. That explained why Lataji was singing at the top of her voice outside my window. "Cool its independence day man, don't have to go to office. But isn't it Sunday too?" The thought of missing out on an additional holiday, drained me off all enthusiasm. I flopped down back on the pillow. "No, No, think positive, think positive", I said to myself. With renewed sense of vigor, I got out of bed; did a quick round of push ups just to reassure myself that I am in the best of positive spirits. I tried to think of all the good things around me. I looked out of the window, it was sunny outside, a welcome change from the rainy weather prevailing. It filled me with a lot of energy. I said to my self Happy Independence Day; thought I felt a little proud too.


I picked up the newspaper; it said," PM takes charge of games, Clips Kalm... ". That bullshit about the commonwealth games scam, that's hot cake right now. Pakistan grapples with flood situation, aids hard to come by. UN estimates only 18 percent of required aid sanctioned by the world community. People don't want to aid a country that has been eaten hollow by the bug of corruption, a country that supports the viruses of terrorism and militancy, a country torn apart by power factions within the polity. Blah blah blah. 
Its feels good to be on this side of the border at times like this. 


India is moving forward with great strides towards being an economic superpower. We boast our own unique currency symbol. We boast of 'desi' corporates being at the top of the Forbes' List, some of the richest in the world. We have high rise buildings, we have metros and metropolitans, shopping centres and urban haats. We have Tatas and Birlas, the Ambanis and the Mittals. We have sophisticated missiles and rockets; we have nuclear weapons. We have malls at every little town, malls at every corner of all major cities. People have finance, they are buying, they are happy. We are free to go to retail outlets, sift through all exhibits, choose what we please, buy it with credit cards and be happy. Globalisation is the order of the day. There are no exclusive items called 'phoren maal' anymore. Everything is available at your doorstep. Just type what you want, space, and your address and send it to a 5 digit number, you'll have it delivered to your home. Life has become so easy. There is so much money all around, everyone in the city is running after money, in one form or the other. We need money, a lot of it;  money for branded clothes, money to buy branded jewelery, for a car that symbolises our status. Money is practically in and behind everything we do. Yes, we can afford some of the luxuries that we have always wanted to. If this is not independence what is?


But why not spare a moment and take a peek at the other side of the coin? After 63 years of so called independence, 25 percent of our population lives below the poverty level. Out of the remaining 75 percent, a big chunk of the population do not have enough money to obtain the BPL certification. Do we really know or even care to know how they bear the burden of each day of their lives? The number of farmers committing suicide out of abject poverty and credit burden have run into lakhs in the last decade. Do we bother? Not at all, what's the big deal? 'chalta hain, yaar'. We talk of digital divide as a major problem in our country. What about the economic divide, man? 60 percent of the country's population does not give a shit about digital divide. They have other pressing problems on their priority list. There are still people in India who work their butts off for daily wages of a meager 15-20 rupees, while corporates go on building 30 storey residential palaces with rooftop helipads, or gifting out jumbo-jets. What about those unfortunate people? Have we ever given them a sincere thought? Are they Independent?


A few months back I used to get my vegetables from local vendors in the market area.One evening a new outlet sprang up. It was one of the 'fresh' outlets from a big corporate house.After that day slowly but steadily, the number of local vendors dwindled till finally they disappeared from the area. Well no one can complain, it's evolutionary rule. 'Survival of the Fittest'. You have money you are welcome, if u don't, get lost. Middle class people like myself feel privileged to buy their vegetables from posh, air conditioned outlets, where all choices and requirements are catered to at the same place. It saves our time too. Starting from vegetables to Chinese Diwali crackers, we like to buy everything from these fashionable retail outlets. But what about those poor villagers and artisans whose livelihood we jeopardized, do we ever think about them? Will they ever be independent?


When I was a kid,, my father used to give me a 1 rupee coin every Sunday to have 'jhal-muri'. I used to look forward eagerly to it. It was like a small weekly ceremony for me. But nowadays, I often see knee high kids waving 100 rupee currency notes in front of stores asking for 'toklates'. Isn't it too early to ingrain the culture of consumerism into the  child. What are we trying to do, create a society of buyers, a posterity of insensitive, stupid consumers? I don't really understand where we are heading from here, its all so confusing sometimes. Are we really Independent? Aren't we bound by the shackles of our ever increasing pseudo-needs?  Whatever it maybe, it must be a very pleasing site for Uncle Sam. I am eagerly waiting for this cycle to end, surely a revolution is just beneath the horizon. Till then, fellow consumers, be happy and keep on chanting..............Happy Independence Day. 

My first post.....

Often I stare lazily at the horizon pondering,"What have I done with my life? What is so remarkable?" My thoughts run around each an every nook and corner of my brain searching each file and folder for any bit that could be produced as an answer satisfying this query. The tired grey cells stressed out with the hectic city life, brush off these queries and doze off. My thoughts return with the message,"Nothing, nothing that matters really".


Nothing? How is that possible? What about that prize I won at school? What about that essay competition I won? What about that exam I topped, and that scholarship I won; what about all those friends who love me, guys who stood by me; all those games won, all the medals, all those citations; all those teachers who said I made them proud; all those pretty girls that eyed me, the girl that loved me so dearly; my lovely wife? What about all those people I met, all the hard earned experiences? Do they really amount to 'Nothing'?


Memories return in flashes, random but powerful, un-organised yet meaningful; like fireflies on a new moon night, right there in front but never yielding to pursuit. I never had the habit of writing a journal, never felt the need too. I thought it was for the more fashionable type; I am a very simple person, what need have I of a memoir. It couldn't possibly hurt anybody, for a nobody like me to leave this world unsung of. But with age, I gained in experience.Every experience taught me something so my knowledge grew. With knowledge, I dared to try and understand life, things going on around me. After futile attempts at understanding the nuances of life and all the unthinkable situations it throws up, I finally understood that life is not all about what's going on the outside, it's more about what's within and that which is evolving very fast. Even as we sit and wonder , about how everything changes, we often miss out on a very subtle truth, that we ourselves are changing too. Small, seemingly inconsequential occurrences can swing our perspectives by several degrees.


We are what we choose to be, our persona are actually the reflections of the choices we make. Every small choice we make each day, depends on how we look at the available alternatives, how we perceive them. Our  perspectives are just like the filters that photographers use. A color correction filter, a contrast enhancement, or say a sepia tone filter so on and so forth. Sorry, no its not about photography I want to ramble. My point is that just like these photographic filters, our perspectives decide what we see, what we understand of it and how we react to it.


So, cutting all the idle banter, the point is that I have realized that maybe keying in my thoughts once in a while doesn't really harm me or anyone.On the contrary it may help to track the evolution of my perspectives of life and the world, my progress as a cultivated advanced hominid.


That is why................... PASSING THOUGHTS...